I have started picking two (2) days off for my Spanish speaking aide. One is today, which is my thirty-sixth birthday. Here are reasons this ableist language should be abandoned:

1. It infantilizes adults with disabilities and denies that WE have the RIGHT to direct our own lives, including our care.
2. It weakens professional boundaries between the disabled and those who care for us.
3. It heightens the risk of burn-out in those who care for us.

Here is a paragraph from page 133 of Judith Herman’s 1992 Trauma and Recovery:

Caregivers schooled in a medical model of treatment often have difficulty grasping this fundamental principle and putting it into practice. In exceptional circumstances, where the survivor has totally abdicated responsibility for her own self-care or threatens immediate harm to herself or to others, rapid intervention is required with or without her consent.

But even then, there is no need for unilateral action; the survivor should still be consulted about her wishes and offered as much choice as is compatible with the preservation of safety.